20 years

I've been married 20 years, or at least on Wednesday this week I'll have been married 20 years. DH this is your reminder that it's our anniversary this week...let's see if you actually read my blog or not. I'm amazed, somedays it seems just the other day I was lying in the bathtub hungover and feeling like crap wondering how I was going to put that wedding dress on and get through the ceremony, at roughly the same time DH was waking up covered in doughnut crumbs (it's best not to ask).

DH and I have actually been together for 26 years, and that's a long time. We've both changed and neither of us are the same kids who met across a crowded room at some house party all those years ago. We're both older (duh), more jaded, not quite as lean (I'm trying to be polite here), grumpier (him not me), and I don't think either of us has the same outlook on life that we had back then. How have we survived? I have no idea, I think we've been best friends and partners for so long neither of us knows how to survive without the other, we're each other's safety nets and our strengths and weaknesses play off each other to give some sort of dis functional symbiotic relationship. 

I may joke and kid about things, but marriage isn't easy, anyone who's been married more than a few years knows that. Half the time you want to put that plan regarding the wood-chipper that you and your friends concocted over drinks one night into action, the other half you can't remember if you paid the life insurance premium so you're praying they'll survive that drive down the snowy highway. 

I will say this about DH, he's the one person in my life I trust implicitly, some may think that's blind, but his integrity and honesty is something I admire. I could do without the moodiness and back problems though ;) but overall he is the most kind-hearted, generous and trust worthy person I know.

There, he got a couple of lines of me being nice to him, I'm covered for this year. I feel the need to shower, public tributes of love are not my thing.  I never started writing this intending it to turn out like this, I was going to write about how surprising it is that we've made it this far, but when I look back it hardly feels like it was 20 years ago, and yet at the same time it was a whole lifetime ago.  

So, 20 years, it's momentous right? We celebrated our 10 year anniversary in Cuba, what are we doing for this one? The actual anniversary will be spent at home, I'm not even sure if we'll go out to dinner or have a nice steak dinner at the house with the kids. However in two weeks we are going to England for 10 days to celebrate another wedding, that of our niece. We get to see some very special family members who we haven't seen in far too long and take the kids on an adventure they will remember for a long time, I couldn't think of a better way to celebrate.

Summer's over

Well at least the school holiday part of summer is over starting next week.  I will admit in June I was dreading these holidays. I am not one of these "wonder moms" who likes to take my kids places and explore. I like to do those things as a family and DH uses all his vacation days for camping. So aside from the camping we tend to do the small things, a few play dates, hit the splash pad a few times, lots of trips to the library, maybe a movie or two and lots of DVD's and home rest days in between.

I am pleasantly surprised to report back that this summer was not bad as I feared.  In fact it has gone past really quickly and I can't believe it's over already. We had some great camping trips, we had Granny's company while at home to help out and we have had relatively few days of kids complaining that they are bored.  Even so, I am ready, I am more than ready for next week.  It's like a switch has been flipped for the kids this week, they are restless, they are starting to annoy each other and starting to annoy me, we are all ready! In fact their backpacks are already packed and waiting for them in the bench by the front door, all that's left to go in them is their lunch on Tuesday morning, yes I am that eager! I am lucky as my two are both looking forward to school, unlike me they enjoy it (so far) they love being able to see their friends, they love learning and so far they have loved every teacher they have had - lets hope that all continues.

We have one camping trip left to do for a short weekend family trip with all the cousins and granny then we can pack all the summer stuff away and parts of my house can be reclaimed.
 Bring on the new school year, bring on fall!  I love the thicker clothes in darker colours, the return of the jackets and boots, being able to throw on a scarf and layer things.  Its my favorite time of year, the crisp cool nights, the changing colours of the leaves, the quiet days of kids in school and the time to get my sanity back and resume some sort of routine.

Women friends

So it's a proven fact that women who are close friends who spend a lot of time together tend to sync up their monthly cycles (we'll call it that for the sake of the few men who I know read my blog).

Now while this is great on one hand; you have a close friend who is also going through hell at the same time as you. A friend who probably has a spare tampon in her bag for you if you are out and need it, and who you can complain and bitch about the world and how unfair it is to.

There is one large problem with this...and something that constantly amazes me that our friendships survive.

There are times when we are raving homicidal bitches at the same time. How do we not kill each other?

Everything annoys me, including my friends (Husband and kids go without saying). So how do we survive. Maybe it's the same way our families survive, we know we have to get through it...the age old saying of love is blind but friendship closes it's eyes, may come into play. I know there have been many a time where I've closed my eyes and counted to ten...and then maybe poured myself a large glass of wine and decided to leave it a week before broaching the subject of my annoyance. A week later said annoyance doesn't seem so bad...life goes on and thankfully so does our friendship...well for another month anyway.

PS. To all my friends, - I really do love you :)

Camping in bear country

Ah camping, the joy of being able to get away from it all, leave technology behind and enjoy the peace and quiet of nature.  As I type this I'm sitting here listening to the sounds of a chain saw cutting a tree off a tent, but more on that later.

Our trip started off with DH saying he was not taking alcohol on this trip.  I convinced him to at least pack the beers...thank goodness for that, as the first beers were cracked while we were still setting up.

This was a new campground, we were not sure on the sites, but had booked one across from the main beach.  When we got here the site was smaller than we expected, very close to the sites on either side and not much privacy. DH was not overly impressed.  I tried to point out the good things. We were close to the washrooms, which were nice flushing toilets with sinks and soap, not the long drops I was expecting from Algonquin Park. We were close to the beach, our site was nice and level, oh and we had no Internet or cell service...ok now I was not happy, how am I supposed to live without cell service for a week?

It was a great start, a young couple and their large dog moved onto the site next to us and to our immense joy their dog made our monster dog look like an angel. It barked at everything, even throughout the night, it's name was Hudson, we know that as its owners kept saying "oh, Hudson," all day long. Sitting around the camp  fire on the first night DH muttered "shoulda brought alcohol."

Lets move ahead to our first night. Diggle wakes me in the middle of the night, he needs to pee. So I step outside the trailer into our attached tent with him and freeze.  My heart drops, what was that noise I heard? OMG there's a bear outside. I grabbed Diggle and push him behind me, he keeps saying what's wrong mommy? And I'm trying to shush him. I bravely stick my head out the tent with the flashlight in my hand, ready to run back into the trailer at a moments notice, I look around...and realize its the guy on the campsite on the other side of us snoring, no bear, just a middle aged man, snoring...some may rather face down the bear.  

Hudson's parents left after two nights thankfully, and I found I could get my Internet fix when we drove to the camp store for ice creams for the kids...all was good, and yes the kids may have been allowed more ice cream than usual.

We settled into a routine of swimming, canoeing, and doing absolutely nothing. We went to a parks theatre production, it was called Time Machine. They took you back through the ages in the park, it was geared for the kids, and made me question the early loggers sexuality but enough on that.

Mid week we decided to take a trip into town, we needed a few more supplies. We got 3G cell signal on the way there yay! I checked the weather, severe thunderstorm warnings for our area, this should be fun.

As we got back to our trailer our new friendly neighbour came over to tell us that the park rangers had just been around to warn of an impending storm cell that was looking particularly nasty, people were evacuating to ride it out at the Visitors Centre 10km away. DH and I decided we liked our stuff too much, we had a trailer, not just a flimsy tent, we would stay and keep an eye on things. The storm itself was only about 30 minutes, it was intense and at one point had DH and I both ducking when we heard what we thought was a crack of lightening striking a little too close for comfort. We were securing the shelter tarp, DH sent me inside to check on the kids. The kids and monster dog were in the trailer taking shelter, monster dog thankfully can care less about storms, the kids were sobbing, Matthew was praying for just one more day of life (not sure what that means for tomorrow), and Alyssa was trying to be brave but had tears in her eyes and was scared. Thankfully the storm was over a lot quicker than it began, and when we went outside the sun was shining, there were puddles everywhere and the site across the road from us had a huge tree lying across it squashing their dining tent. That crack of lightening we ducked for was actually the tree snapping. Thankfully the family had been sheltering in their other tent at the time. Hence the sound of chainsaws as I started typing this.

It's later in the afternoon now the sound of chainsaws has been replaced by music, they are celebrating being alive, there's a possibility tomorrow they may wish they weren't.

My kids are perfect (not)

This blog post is dedicated to all those of you who have brats for kids. You see, I feel sorry for you, because my kids are perfect! They never whine, they never make a fuss or talk back, they never fight, they excel at everything they do, and they are most certainly never ever annoying!

Ha! If only! Let's face it, there is not a kid in this world who is perfect. There are however, plenty of Moms out there who seem to like to give this impression on Facebook. You know the ones, they always post about how wonderful their kids are, what a joy living with them is, what little angels they are. Things like, little Johnny was such a cutie this morning while eating his high fiber cereal, he made a joke and kissed his sister when she spilled her juice, I couldn't love him more. When in reality, you know he probably was the one who poured his sisters juice over her head. What I don't think these people realize is that the only ones who may be remotely fooled by this are the friends who have never met Johnny. You see those of us who have met him know that he is the devil spawn.

Now I'm not saying every kid out there is a holy terror, (they just seem that way most of the time), but let's face it, kids are hard to like, even our own some of the time. The good thing is our own are easy to love, and this is what preserves the species.

It just irks me when people always post these statuses about how great their kids are. It's not fair on those poor unsuspecting young folk who have not had kids yet. They believe you and then when they have their own and realize they are not perfect, they blame themselves for not being good parents as everyone else has such perfect kids.

The same really goes for anyone who posts a status like, today is my 25th wedding anniversary, I love my husband Billy (I guess he's Johnny's dad). The past 25 years have been the best and easiest and I can't wait to spend the next 25 having such fun.

I call bullshit! The reality is marriage and raising kids is hard, it takes work, and a lot of patience. Do we love our kids and husbands? Well yes, do we like them? Not all the time no. So stop making out like your kids and husbands are perfect. We've met them we know the truth. And to be honest I'm happy with my non perfect kids and DH, I know they are still so much better than yours ;p

Of course I will give you this...all wives are naturally perfect and always right.

When realities hit home

I know a lot of you are expecting most of my blog posts to be filled with complaints about living with my Mom, and while I will admit I have done my fair share of grumbling and adjusting, this is not going to be one of them.
Well okay, I may throw in a few grumbles for good measure, but in general this is a post to do with thankfulness.

Yesterday, I was watching my kids interact with their Granny and was hit by the reality of how lucky I am that they can have this time to get to know her. The last time they got to see her, they were 4 years old.  Now at 8 they have so much more to offer, and her to offer them.  There is so much love to be shared, so much patience from either side that they are all willing to give, just to spend time together.

We as immigrants give up so much when we move to the other side of the planet.  So far away from our childhood friends, our siblings, our parents.  Our kids don't know the sort of environment we grew up in, they don't know their grandparents, their aunts and uncles and often their cousins. We don't understand the sports that our kids are now exposed to, they are not what we grew up with and if they are lucky we will try to learn them so that we can bond over this as they grow up with it.

This year has been a trying year for my family which I guess makes realization so vivid.  My Dad passed away in February and my Mother-in-law passed on earlier this month.  That's two grandparents that my kids wont get to know, and that hurts us all.  So, as I look at the way that my children love their Granny so very much, the love in their eyes when they wrap their arms around her, the cuddles they are getting, the time that she spends talking and taking an interest in them, and the time they spend telling her the things I brush off a million times, I can only be thankful that they all have this time. I smile when they run to hug and kiss her goodbye before they leave for school in the morning and yet yell a simple "bye Mom, have a good day" as they grab their backpacks and rush for the door. I don't mind, I don't begrudge it, I am the first one they run to hug and wrap their arms around at pickup time anyway.

As much as I may complain about the little things, and they are little things, these are memories they will cherish, that I will cherish, even if I do think that being watched while I make soup out of a can is claustrophobic. (But that's a whole different blog post.)
 

When its time to grow up - or maybe not

I may be in my 40's, but I am sure, like many of you, I don't feel like I have ever grown up.  This is currently exacerbated by the fact that my Mom is coming to stay with us.  Somehow with her in the house I always feel like I am a teenager again.  Like I have to justify what I am doing and sneak around a little.
Don't get me wrong, my Mom is great, she is easy to live with and doesn't pass judgement (much), but I know it's still going to be an adjustment for me and for her having her living here.

At the moment, I have three days until she arrives, I am cleaning my house.  She told me not to be silly when I said I had to clean before she arrives, but trust me she has not seen my house!  She used to tell me my bedroom looked like a pig sty and in reality, what kid has not heard that line?  However now I'm an adult (I think) and add in two eight year olds, and my entire house looks like a pig sty.  Clean as I may, I cannot seem to get the kids to pick up after themselves, not leave their garbage where ever it falls and stop leaving socks lying in arbitrary places throughout the house.

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A few days later....

Yes I got sidetracked, we had a lot of things happen that derailed my blog post, so now my Mom has been here for nearly 3 days and we are adjusting.  The kids are loving having her here. They have been on their best behavior and she in turn adores them.

I have only felt like a kid a few times, most notably when I told one of the kids to do something and she added afterwards a very pointed...."please??"  I countered with telling her it was a command, not a request.
In her favor, she has praised my child handling skills,...saying she loves the way I talk to the kids, and the tone I use with them.  From my side I think, great I'm glad she's praising not criticizing, but she hasn't been around long enough to see me lose my cool with them yet, so that will come.

The thing is there comes a point in your life when you are not sure if you are the adult or the child in the relationship. I still feel like the child, but find myself taking the adult role, guidance, checking up on things, doing all the organizing and also doing things like double checking her room and picking up pill packets that she's dropped on the floor so that the monster dog does not eat her blood pressure tablets   I guess it's a complicated stage of life for all.


  I was choosing a picture for the blog this week relating to being grown up, and there were just too many, so I found I could not just go with one...I thought perhaps even an explanation with some may be a good idea.

DH will attest to this one, the dishwasher has to be stacked my way.  It makes the most sense, you can fit everything in it, best use of space and most economical - there, doesn't that sound grown up? If someone else stacks it there are always dishes left over in the sink and who has to wash them...yes that would be me, the grown up in the house.

Yes, I'm guilty as charged of telling my kids lies like this to get them to stop asking questions and just accept what I have told them as the truth.

Well this describes me perfectly.  I don't think I'll ever feel totally grown up and then I look what I do all day and think, wow, they really should have a grown up doing this.  I am sure they would do a much better job....

Well yes, I wont go into details with all the cringe worthy things I do, but some days (okay, most days) I seriously question my grown up judgement.  I suspect that perhaps my inner teenage girl is lurking a little too close to the surface. But then, is that a bad thing?  I can hope that maybe when I am in my 60's I will still be thinking that my inner teenager is there and still doing stupid things that make me feel young again ;)