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While Catching up on a friends blog she posed a question on emotions triggering memories. What emotions stay with you, what, when you have forgotten all else about a situation can bring that memory back and replay it in your head like a movie.
It got me to thinking about the strongest emotions for me, and the ones that came straight to mind are those of fear, pride and love.
I am an extremely fearful person, ha, I bet a lot of you never saw that coming - or maybe you know me too well and know that my over planning is a result of this. DH will readily attest to this. I fear the unknown, I fear not being in control. I plan, I analyze, I make lists, I print maps when going new places, (ok not so much now that my phone has the handy GPS app), but I still double check my route and commit it to memory before I leave the house. I feel the incessant need to double check times of appointments and overanalyze conversations. Hell on re-reading this, maybe I am just insecure and neurotic?
Anyway back to fear, I can vividly remember the times in my life when I have been afraid, and I'm not talking monsters under the bed afraid - although I vividly remember that too. When I think of fear I remember being chased by dobermins as a child, the shear terror. I remember the pounding of my heart when I could not find my family and realized I was lost at the shops, and then when older and a parent, the fear of realizing one of your kids is missing. Of course there are more memories that it triggers, but I can't write down some of the things I remember as a result of this emotion of fear. You see I have admitted to only a handful of people the things I did to put myself in those situations, we'll chalk it up to being young and stupid, and I will say I am both glad and lucky to be alive. Also, I could not possibly post it on here, someone from my family may read this and tell my Mom, and yes I may be 40 years old but I do still fear my Mom!
Thinking about pride, I have a few things in my life I am proud of accomplishing, one of the major things being my Diving training, I went from a kid who was scared of going into any body of water due to sharks (thanks jaws) to being a divemaster, leading dives and helping to train new divers. It's the one thing that totally insecure little old me knew I was good at, and am extremely proud both of the fact that I overcame my fear and of a job I did well. We all like to feel pride of a job well done, of being recognized for being good at your job and for being made to feel valuable. Pride is a funny emotion for me, we were raised so completely different to the North American model of teaching your kids that they are the best and can do anything. School to me, beat down most of the pride I had in myself, after all we were taught, "pride comes before a fall". We were taught to be modest, to respect even if respect was not due and I think caused a lot of self doubt.
Love, ah that wondrous feeling of a new love, that teenage crush, of never wanting to wait another second to see them, not wanting to hang up the phone, everyone remembers that and everyone, well I hope everyone has experienced the butterflies of new love. When I think of love, my thoughts go straight to the people in my life I could not live without, to family, friends, those that are essential to keeping me sane (and sometimes to blame for making me lose my mind).
Of course this poses the question of how do you know you really love someone? The best description I have ever heard to answer this is: when their pain is your pain. When those you love are in pain, whether it is physical or emotional, you feel it yourself, you would do anything to remove it including taking it yourself if you could.
Well this post has gotten way too deep and philosophical for me, time to end it and go back to my mundane existence, I am sure the kids need food or the dog needs to be let outside to pee by now.
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