Rationally Concerned

Scared? who me?  Nope, just rationally concerned.  After all I am supposed to be running this 5K in a months time and I still suck at it (running that is). I am pretty pathetic I can run, but I really don't get much enjoyment from it, I would rather be walking, hence I run a kilometer and then since I am wheezing I walk a couple of meters and start feeling guilty and start running again..and so the cycle goes, overall it means I am slow...very slow.  Now the logical part of my brain tells me that I have lots of time to get my fitness levels up, I mean its 4 weeks away right?  The non logical part is telling me there is no way in hell I am going to be ready to run this and keep up with the girls who I am running with.  Did I mention them before?  They are sisters in fact, who convinced me that this was a good idea.  They are both in their 20's, Shit!! I am 41, what was I thinking?  Ok, I really cant blame the younger one, I in fact had a bit to do with suckering her into this, the older one,....well you know who you are, its all your fault!  You got to me after a few glasses of wine, my resistance to silly ideas was down!  I have been known to agree to do stupid things after wine....usually a lot more than I had to drink that night though.

I know realistically that I can do this, in fact I will be elated after I do this.  I will be proud of what I have accomplished...I already am proud beyond belief of how far I have come.  I am over 45lbs down. Its been one year now, one year of slowly feeling better about myself week by week. A year of finding the old me, who I thought was long gone, but I am glad to see back.
By the time I run this race I will be over 50 lbs, and getting close to my goal.  That does not change the fact that I am still rationally concerned about running this, ok I am not rationally concerned, I am fucking terrified!  Who knows though, maybe afterwards I will want to sign up for another one in the fall.