Life lessons for my kids

• There is always a bigger slice.... or a plate with more on it.  Just take the plate I give you and eat, if it takes 5 minutes to decide which plate is bigger you wont notice the extra mouthful.

• You are still alive - stop complaining

• If you are playing out in the street with all your friends and are too cold/hot, come inside....do not ask if all 10 friends can come in too....its not going to happen!  Go and ask one of  their Moms  if you can all go inside their house....I bet I know the answer!

• I am only buying one jar of Nutella, if you raid the cupboard and eat it all do not expect to find another jar in there for a long time.

• Just because something has a picture of fruit on it does not make it healthy....but yes I will sometimes buy it for you to shut you  up.  If you have asked for it, begged for it, pleaded for it and then decide once I have bought it that you really don't like it, you will eat it anyway.

• Behind the cushions on the couch is not a garbage bin!  Stop putting your wrappers down there.  - Yes Diggle that means you, you are the only one who sits there apart from Dad, and I am pretty sure his mother did not let him stuff food wrappers down the couch either!

• You cannot have desert every night, yes, around Halloween you can, but only because I want to get rid of the damn candy as quickly as possible so your dad and I don't eat it all and gain 20lbs

• The other nights desert is saved for those dinners you are not really that fond of...it's called bribery, get used to it, it's the way the world works!

• I know when you are stalling at bed time. Like when you have spent all day playing and ignoring me then suddenly after bed time has passed you wish to spend time with me and cuddle? Also asking to have the tv switched on, on your favorite show while said cuddling is taking place does not improve your chances.

• Blaming the monster dog for things will not always work. For example if one of your mittens are missing and you blame her, there is a pretty good chance I will believe you. Blaming her for the fact that tv magically turned itself on while you were eating dinner, or for the leftovers that mysteriously disappeared from the fridge from a sealed Tupperware....not so much.

• You are both very competitive, I have no idea where this comes from, none whatsoever, nope, most certainly not me! However there are two of you, you are both good at different things, there are winners and there are L... Non winners, get over it, sometimes you will beat your sibling sometimes they will beat you but all the time I will beat you both. Oh and the only reason I don't let you win at games is to teach you that  you cant win all the time, it has nothing to do with me having to win.