3.5 days of school left!! I am feeling a little anxious about the summer. Its not that my kids are naughty or even require a lot of attention. Its that they are home and I feel guilty for not giving them the attention. I feel like I should be taking them places, doing things, entertaining them, playing with them. My downfall is that I am not one of THOSE moms. You know the perfect Mom who does all of the above, or at least says they do all of the above and loves to tell everyone what fun they have with their kids everyday. In retrospect I really should have thought harder about this whole parenthood thing before I committed to it. I wanted kids, I really did. Hell I paid enough to get my kids! Its just sometimes I don't know if I am cut out for this. However let me say and make this perfectly clear....I love my kids, I would not change it for the world now that I have them, they are the best kids in the world, and I have every faith that they are going to do amazing things with their lives. (As long as Princess never decides to take up dancing!)
I suppose I must be doing something right. My kids are not brats and most people tell me they love them. They are polite, they listen, they rarely have meltdowns (I could probably count on one hand the number of times anything like that has happened) and they are very loving and understanding of me when I tell them I am busy working. So reading this you must all think I am a terrible Mom. Why would I not want to spend my summer doing fun things with them? The answer is...I don't know.....I just like my own free time, I'm selfish I know. To be brutally honest I find it draining to have to do stuff and go places and watch them all the time to ensure they are safe and not in danger. Even grocery shopping becomes more taxing, and more expensive, I find myself agreeing to buy things just to bribe them and get through the trip quicker, and sometimes out of guilt that I never treat them enough compared to their friends.
Now don't get me wrong, its not like I never do anything with them, we go camping, we do lots of trips over the summer, we canoe, we bike ride, we spend time on the beach and I love it. BUT I also love it when I can have some quiet time, some time to myself when I don't have to worry about who is doing what, who needs lunch, who is outside playing in the street, and where is the other one, and then with the constant opening and closing of the front door...has anyone let the monster dog out into the street, cause if so we are all in trouble.
Regardless I am going to try this summer to be a better parent. To take them to the splash pad, to let them have friends over for play dates, and if it means I have to work more in the evenings and have less time to read and relax then so be it. I will try and look at the positives, no more rushing in the morning to get everyone breakfast and get lunches made. Peanut butter is again an allowed food selection for lunch and of course no more last minute trying to get homework done 5 minutes before walking out the door in the morning! Of course....that does not mean that I will not be happy when that first week school in September gets here!And yes I am aware the above paragraph is hi-lighted in white...I have no idea why, and I don't feel like deleting it and retyping it!
