Wednesday, 29 January 2014

All about me - with a side of why I'm awesome!

I am a real woman, I have curves, hell I have fat rolls who am I kidding? I have neuroses I have issues, but I am real. I laugh at inappropriate things, I cry when I shouldn't. I'm politically incorrect (a lot) my morals are low.  I yell at my kids and kick the dog, (okay, I don't kick the dog, I'd never do that unless it was an accident - I do have some standards). I do things wrong (frequently). I forget important things, to be honest, I forget most things if they're not written down and I remember the weirdest arbitrary shit ever.

I can be irritating, I sometimes nag (well DH says so anyway but really I wouldn't have to if he'd do it right the first time...or do it at all). When we go out to eat, I'm going to eat a good meal, not pick at a salad and pretend I'm full. If I want to show some cleavage, I will and if I want to drink too much, I will.

I'm not always sociable, I like my solitude. I get cranky if I don't get enough time alone with myself. You may think this strange but I like my own company.  I procrastinate, it's guaranteed that I will leave everything to the last minute, but I do work well under pressure.

I'm not the best friend whose going to phone you regularly to checkup on you, but I hope my friends know that if you need to talk or need me, then pick up the phone and I'll do what needs to be done to help.  I don't keep my house in pristine condition (stop sniggering those who know me well) in fact I'd appreciate at least an hours warning before anyone pops in for coffee and even then don't expect miracles.

What I'm getting at is, I'm in my 40's and I'm finally accepting of who I am and I'm not about to change. I like that wrong to say? I don't think so, even though I was brought up to have humility (too much if you ask me). Are there things I need to change? Sure, I still have more weight to lose, and I will lose it, but I'm happy with me. If you don't like me that is your problem, and your loss because I've finally arrived at a place where I know I'm awesome, hopefully my friends think so too.

Saturday, 4 January 2014

Why workouts don't work well with kids

This is something I've come to realize over the Christmas holidays.  Let me start by saying I do want my kids active, and I do want to set a good example for them by being fit and active, however I'm not one of those moms who encourages her kids to workout with her. In fact my kids have pretty much figured out they can ask me for absolutely anything they want while I'm in the middle of a workout and I will (mostly) say yes (ok snarl it is a better description) in an attempt to get rid of them.

Remember I have two kids, so they take it in turns to come and ask me things, until I'm ready to crack.

Diggle: "Mom, can I have a snack?"
Me: "Yes...go away"

Princess: "Mom, can I have jello?"
Me: "Whatever, just get out of here"

Diggle: "Mom, can we have a Popsicle?"
Me: "I don't care just leave me alone!"

Princess: "Mom,..."
Me: "I don't care, if I see either of you again I'm going to wring your necks!"

Some of you are probably wondering why I don't like them around me, I mean, surely if I'm setting an example they should see me exercising? It's very simple, I don't like anyone to see me when I'm exercising and there are a few reasons.

I like to concentrate on what I'm doing and not be constantly disturbed.
I'm bright red, wheezing and I look ridiculous.
I have jiggly bits and bulges that I'm self conscious about.
I suck at doing some of the exercises and poses (especially for yoga) and I know I look spastic. For example, take the simple tree pose, I look more like a deranged flamingo on crack. My downward dog looks more like I've tripped and can't get up (which is probably not wrong) and my plank, well I'm certainly not a plank that ever going to be used in any type of construction unless perhaps it's some sort of Salvidore Dali sculpture.

The holidays are nearly done, the kids go back to school on Monday, I will be able to reclaim my space and peace and only have to worry about the monster dog, she does run down to find me, and finds it extremely fun to try and lick my face or jump on me if I'm on the floor, but in general she's a lot less annoying and can't laugh and tell anyone how silly I look. She also gets bored and finds a spot to curl up and sleep pretty quickly.