Monday, 29 December 2014

2015 - A new year, new possibilities

THIS, this describes my New Years plans completely! We're having a quiet one, a nice family dinner, maybe a fondue or steak and mushroom sauce. We can relax on the couch and watch a movie or some bad tv. We can cuddle the kids and pet the monster dog. Do not pity me and invite me out to a party, I am not free, I am doing nothing.

The honest truth is I am all socialed out after Christmas, so we are not going to a party or anywhere that involves being social and acting friendly.  I love Christmas, the parties, the festivities, having family over for dinner and getting together to open presents etc, but I reach a point after parties and gatherings when I am done. I'm tired of talking, I'm tired of thinking, I'm tired of eating and drinking.

I want to spend the next week mostly sitting on my couch or in my bed, with my iPad, a set of headphones in and just being alone. Sure, I will leave the house, I have a few things to do and a few places to be, but they will be necessities or things I choose to do.

So, 2015 will start off quietly, but that doesn't mean I'm not optimistic about all it holds. 2014 and 2013 were not great years, they certainly had their share of trials and tribulations. Surely our luck must turn? 2015 will be the year! Some may think this is a little strange for me to be optimistic considering I'm going in for major surgery in two weeks, but, DH has a job he is enjoying and after surgery I get to take some enforced R&R.  Once that's all done spring will be here and camping season can start. 

Just think of all the possibilities that await us, holidays, experiences, people we might meet, things we might do. Life in general, watching the kids mature that little bit more, becoming the people they are meant to be. Anniversaries, birthdays, sunsets and daydreams. What's not to look forward too?  Okay snap out of it, I'm sleep deprived and spent a good part of last night cleaning kids barff out of the carpet, 2015 can only get better.

Friday, 19 December 2014


Yeah it's Christmas again, season of love and goodwill, blah blah blah. Actually for some reason it's around this time of year I turn into the Grinch. I'm 99% done with my shopping, fighting the crowds of bad tempered shoppers may have something to do with it. Anything else that we discover we need, DH can brave the crowds for. I still have my baking to do and to prep for the big Turkey and trimmings family dinner on Christmas Eve. So, not a whole lot, what is there to be Grinchy about? Well, I'm not really sure, but I'm very easily annoyed and upset this past week, maybe it's the hormones, it's the perfect excuse so we'll blame them this year that's for sure.

The thing is, I'm lying here in bed this morning contemplating life, Diggle and Princess just had a fight over Minecraft, I talked them down. Princess is now chilling in her room watching videos while Diggle is having his 'alone time' in the living room with Christmas music blaring at full volume (sorry neighbours I know it's not even 7:30am). The monster dog is lying on my lap staring up at me like I'm better than a fillet steak and I realized how lucky I am. What have I done to deserve so much love in my life? Not only from this dog who literally pines for me each time I go out, but from my kids, from DH. I know without a doubt that I am loved, that I am treasured and that I am the single most important person in all their lives. I somedays feel like I don't deserve that level of devotion, I'm by no means the best mom or wife. I suck at housework, I don't always read and help my kids do homework, it's a stretch somedays to ensure they have clean socks to wear to school. I don't even regularly walk the dog since it's cold out there!  I mostly eat dinner without DH as he's late home, I have very little patience for arguments and listening to woes, and yet they love me.

Growing up I found it difficult to tell people, yes even my family that I loved them. It wasn't something that was tossed around on an every day basis. In my house now, it is said multiple times, every single day, to and from everyone. It is tossed out as someone is leaving for work or for school, a simple, "Have a good day, love you." It is said for no reason other than the person is standing or sitting next to you. I constantly hear, "love you, mom." being said when there is a lull in conversation. It is even thrown back in your face when there is a fight or argument, "Well I love you, so fuck you." or "Yes, sweetie, I know you don't like me, but I love you so it doesn't matter." Actually a more adequate description if I am being honest is probably a "tough, I love you, go to your room if you're going to act  like a brat."

I don't really know what point I'm trying to make here, this was just a random realization that crossed my mind. I may be a Grinch, but I'm a very lucky, very loved Grinch and I can only wish that you are all loved too and are lucky enough to know it.

Merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah or happy whatever else you may celebrate.
Ps. I love you all for reading my blog.