All about me - with a side of why I'm awesome!

I am a real woman, I have curves, hell I have fat rolls who am I kidding? I have neuroses I have issues, but I am real. I laugh at inappropriate things, I cry when I shouldn't. I'm politically incorrect (a lot) my morals are low.  I yell at my kids and kick the dog, (okay, I don't kick the dog, I'd never do that unless it was an accident - I do have some standards). I do things wrong (frequently). I forget important things, to be honest, I forget most things if they're not written down and I remember the weirdest arbitrary shit ever.

I can be irritating, I sometimes nag (well DH says so anyway but really I wouldn't have to if he'd do it right the first time...or do it at all). When we go out to eat, I'm going to eat a good meal, not pick at a salad and pretend I'm full. If I want to show some cleavage, I will and if I want to drink too much, I will.

I'm not always sociable, I like my solitude. I get cranky if I don't get enough time alone with myself. You may think this strange but I like my own company.  I procrastinate, it's guaranteed that I will leave everything to the last minute, but I do work well under pressure.

I'm not the best friend whose going to phone you regularly to checkup on you, but I hope my friends know that if you need to talk or need me, then pick up the phone and I'll do what needs to be done to help.  I don't keep my house in pristine condition (stop sniggering those who know me well) in fact I'd appreciate at least an hours warning before anyone pops in for coffee and even then don't expect miracles.

What I'm getting at is, I'm in my 40's and I'm finally accepting of who I am and I'm not about to change. I like myself...is that wrong to say? I don't think so, even though I was brought up to have humility (too much if you ask me). Are there things I need to change? Sure, I still have more weight to lose, and I will lose it, but I'm happy with me. If you don't like me that is your problem, and your loss because I've finally arrived at a place where I know I'm awesome, hopefully my friends think so too.

Why workouts don't work well with kids

This is something I've come to realize over the Christmas holidays.  Let me start by saying I do want my kids active, and I do want to set a good example for them by being fit and active, however I'm not one of those moms who encourages her kids to workout with her. In fact my kids have pretty much figured out they can ask me for absolutely anything they want while I'm in the middle of a workout and I will (mostly) say yes (ok snarl it is a better description) in an attempt to get rid of them.

Remember I have two kids, so they take it in turns to come and ask me things, until I'm ready to crack.

Diggle: "Mom, can I have a snack?"

Me: "Yes...go away"

Princess: "Mom, can I have jello?"

Me: "Whatever, just get out of here"

Diggle: "Mom, can we have a Popsicle?"

Me: "I don't care just leave me alone!"

Princess: "Mom,..."

Me: "I don't care, if I see either of you again I'm going to wring your necks!"

Some of you are probably wondering why I don't like them around me, I mean, surely if I'm setting an example they should see me exercising? It's very simple, I don't like anyone to see me when I'm exercising and there are a few reasons.

I like to concentrate on what I'm doing and not be constantly disturbed.

I'm bright red, wheezing and I look ridiculous.

I have jiggly bits and bulges that I'm self conscious about.

I suck at doing some of the exercises and poses (especially for yoga) and I know I look spastic. For example, take the simple tree pose, I look more like a deranged flamingo on crack. My downward dog looks more like I've tripped and can't get up (which is probably not wrong) and my plank, well I'm certainly not a plank that ever going to be used in any type of construction unless perhaps it's some sort of Salvidore Dali sculpture.

The holidays are nearly done, the kids go back to school on Monday, I will be able to reclaim my space and peace and only have to worry about the monster dog, she does run down to find me, and finds it extremely fun to try and lick my face or jump on me if I'm on the floor, but in general she's a lot less annoying and can't laugh and tell anyone how silly I look. She also gets bored and finds a spot to curl up and sleep pretty quickly.

A letter to my children

You're 8 years old, nearly 9. Let me explain a few random things to you.

The toilet: there's this remarkable little thing on the back of the toilet, it wiggles and looks like a handle and by gosh it is a handle! If you push it all that smelly stuff that you've left sitting there goes down and gets replaced by nice fresh water. Please, please, I beg of you, start using it on a regular basis.

The dog: she thinks her spot is next to me, cuddled in as close as she can get, if you come and lay ontop of her she will growl. If you somehow get in there first, she will climb ontop of you and squeeze her way in between us. Just get used to it, it appears there is nothing we can do about this, apart from throwing steak on the other side of the room.

The laundry basket: yes you have one! It is not the floor of your bedroom! Clothes do not magically pick themselves up and move into the basket (although I'm sure some of yours are capable of crawling) Start picking your clothes up and putting them in the basket, the ones you've worn, not the ones you tried on that morning and decided to change, those are clean, put them back in the draw.

Socks: similar to the laundry basket dilemma, dirty socks also belong in the laundry basket or I don't even mind if you put them directly in the washing machine. They do not belong on the dining room table, on the computer desk, stuffed down the side of the couch, hanging on the wine rack or in any other spot where you conveniently decide to take them off and leave them! This would also solve the "Mom, I have no clean socks" issue that we seem to have occurring even after laundry day.

Underwear: it's supposed to be worn, especially when we leave the house! No more needs to be said.

Snow boots: take these off while you are still on the tiled floor in the entrance hall, you know, where I have towels and mats down to absorb the slush. Do not walk across the hardwood floor leaving a trail of wet slushy footprints. I don't care if you needed the washroom or to get something out your backpack.

Dessert: does not happen every night, get over it. I will not use it as a tool to bribe you to eat your dinner (well not all the time anyway). If you don't eat, feel free to go hungry. Likewise telling me once you have finished your dinner that you are still hungry and need dessert is not going to work. Dessert is not meant to full you up, an apple does that much better.

Santa: I love and hate the fact that you still believe in Santa. He makes a wonderful bargaining chip, the threat of being able to email him when you're naughty works every time. However you need to learn that Santa does not have endless amounts of cash or elves making these toys and electronics you are requesting. If you want something and request it, make sure it's what you really want. You are not getting everything on your list. *On an aside note, Diggle said yesterday, "but parents help Santa, right?" So I guess this year may be our last with the magical belief.

Today is your first day of the Christmas school holidays, you are playing wii together downstairs, laughing, shrieking and having fun. Keep it up, don't fight, let's have a fun, good, peaceful Christmas and you can carry on ignoring all of the above points, we'll cover them again next year I'm sure.  

Last but not least, this is Mommy's egg nog, yes it is an acceptable breakfast food, its like liquid scrambled egg and no you can't have any!

20 years

I've been married 20 years, or at least on Wednesday this week I'll have been married 20 years. DH this is your reminder that it's our anniversary this week...let's see if you actually read my blog or not. I'm amazed, somedays it seems just the other day I was lying in the bathtub hungover and feeling like crap wondering how I was going to put that wedding dress on and get through the ceremony, at roughly the same time DH was waking up covered in doughnut crumbs (it's best not to ask).

DH and I have actually been together for 26 years, and that's a long time. We've both changed and neither of us are the same kids who met across a crowded room at some house party all those years ago. We're both older (duh), more jaded, not quite as lean (I'm trying to be polite here), grumpier (him not me), and I don't think either of us has the same outlook on life that we had back then. How have we survived? I have no idea, I think we've been best friends and partners for so long neither of us knows how to survive without the other, we're each other's safety nets and our strengths and weaknesses play off each other to give some sort of dis functional symbiotic relationship. 

I may joke and kid about things, but marriage isn't easy, anyone who's been married more than a few years knows that. Half the time you want to put that plan regarding the wood-chipper that you and your friends concocted over drinks one night into action, the other half you can't remember if you paid the life insurance premium so you're praying they'll survive that drive down the snowy highway. 

I will say this about DH, he's the one person in my life I trust implicitly, some may think that's blind, but his integrity and honesty is something I admire. I could do without the moodiness and back problems though ;) but overall he is the most kind-hearted, generous and trust worthy person I know.

There, he got a couple of lines of me being nice to him, I'm covered for this year. I feel the need to shower, public tributes of love are not my thing.  I never started writing this intending it to turn out like this, I was going to write about how surprising it is that we've made it this far, but when I look back it hardly feels like it was 20 years ago, and yet at the same time it was a whole lifetime ago.  

So, 20 years, it's momentous right? We celebrated our 10 year anniversary in Cuba, what are we doing for this one? The actual anniversary will be spent at home, I'm not even sure if we'll go out to dinner or have a nice steak dinner at the house with the kids. However in two weeks we are going to England for 10 days to celebrate another wedding, that of our niece. We get to see some very special family members who we haven't seen in far too long and take the kids on an adventure they will remember for a long time, I couldn't think of a better way to celebrate.

Summer's over

Well at least the school holiday part of summer is over starting next week.  I will admit in June I was dreading these holidays. I am not one of these "wonder moms" who likes to take my kids places and explore. I like to do those things as a family and DH uses all his vacation days for camping. So aside from the camping we tend to do the small things, a few play dates, hit the splash pad a few times, lots of trips to the library, maybe a movie or two and lots of DVD's and home rest days in between.

I am pleasantly surprised to report back that this summer was not bad as I feared.  In fact it has gone past really quickly and I can't believe it's over already. We had some great camping trips, we had Granny's company while at home to help out and we have had relatively few days of kids complaining that they are bored.  Even so, I am ready, I am more than ready for next week.  It's like a switch has been flipped for the kids this week, they are restless, they are starting to annoy each other and starting to annoy me, we are all ready! In fact their backpacks are already packed and waiting for them in the bench by the front door, all that's left to go in them is their lunch on Tuesday morning, yes I am that eager! I am lucky as my two are both looking forward to school, unlike me they enjoy it (so far) they love being able to see their friends, they love learning and so far they have loved every teacher they have had - lets hope that all continues.

We have one camping trip left to do for a short weekend family trip with all the cousins and granny then we can pack all the summer stuff away and parts of my house can be reclaimed.
 Bring on the new school year, bring on fall!  I love the thicker clothes in darker colours, the return of the jackets and boots, being able to throw on a scarf and layer things.  Its my favorite time of year, the crisp cool nights, the changing colours of the leaves, the quiet days of kids in school and the time to get my sanity back and resume some sort of routine.

Women friends

So it's a proven fact that women who are close friends who spend a lot of time together tend to sync up their monthly cycles (we'll call it that for the sake of the few men who I know read my blog).

Now while this is great on one hand; you have a close friend who is also going through hell at the same time as you. A friend who probably has a spare tampon in her bag for you if you are out and need it, and who you can complain and bitch about the world and how unfair it is to.

There is one large problem with this...and something that constantly amazes me that our friendships survive.

There are times when we are raving homicidal bitches at the same time. How do we not kill each other?

Everything annoys me, including my friends (Husband and kids go without saying). So how do we survive. Maybe it's the same way our families survive, we know we have to get through it...the age old saying of love is blind but friendship closes it's eyes, may come into play. I know there have been many a time where I've closed my eyes and counted to ten...and then maybe poured myself a large glass of wine and decided to leave it a week before broaching the subject of my annoyance. A week later said annoyance doesn't seem so bad...life goes on and thankfully so does our friendship...well for another month anyway.

PS. To all my friends, - I really do love you :)

Camping in bear country

Ah camping, the joy of being able to get away from it all, leave technology behind and enjoy the peace and quiet of nature.  As I type this I'm sitting here listening to the sounds of a chain saw cutting a tree off a tent, but more on that later.

Our trip started off with DH saying he was not taking alcohol on this trip.  I convinced him to at least pack the beers...thank goodness for that, as the first beers were cracked while we were still setting up.

This was a new campground, we were not sure on the sites, but had booked one across from the main beach.  When we got here the site was smaller than we expected, very close to the sites on either side and not much privacy. DH was not overly impressed.  I tried to point out the good things. We were close to the washrooms, which were nice flushing toilets with sinks and soap, not the long drops I was expecting from Algonquin Park. We were close to the beach, our site was nice and level, oh and we had no Internet or cell service...ok now I was not happy, how am I supposed to live without cell service for a week?

It was a great start, a young couple and their large dog moved onto the site next to us and to our immense joy their dog made our monster dog look like an angel. It barked at everything, even throughout the night, it's name was Hudson, we know that as its owners kept saying "oh, Hudson," all day long. Sitting around the camp  fire on the first night DH muttered "shoulda brought alcohol."

Lets move ahead to our first night. Diggle wakes me in the middle of the night, he needs to pee. So I step outside the trailer into our attached tent with him and freeze.  My heart drops, what was that noise I heard? OMG there's a bear outside. I grabbed Diggle and push him behind me, he keeps saying what's wrong mommy? And I'm trying to shush him. I bravely stick my head out the tent with the flashlight in my hand, ready to run back into the trailer at a moments notice, I look around...and realize its the guy on the campsite on the other side of us snoring, no bear, just a middle aged man, snoring...some may rather face down the bear.  

Hudson's parents left after two nights thankfully, and I found I could get my Internet fix when we drove to the camp store for ice creams for the kids...all was good, and yes the kids may have been allowed more ice cream than usual.

We settled into a routine of swimming, canoeing, and doing absolutely nothing. We went to a parks theatre production, it was called Time Machine. They took you back through the ages in the park, it was geared for the kids, and made me question the early loggers sexuality but enough on that.

Mid week we decided to take a trip into town, we needed a few more supplies. We got 3G cell signal on the way there yay! I checked the weather, severe thunderstorm warnings for our area, this should be fun.

As we got back to our trailer our new friendly neighbour came over to tell us that the park rangers had just been around to warn of an impending storm cell that was looking particularly nasty, people were evacuating to ride it out at the Visitors Centre 10km away. DH and I decided we liked our stuff too much, we had a trailer, not just a flimsy tent, we would stay and keep an eye on things. The storm itself was only about 30 minutes, it was intense and at one point had DH and I both ducking when we heard what we thought was a crack of lightening striking a little too close for comfort. We were securing the shelter tarp, DH sent me inside to check on the kids. The kids and monster dog were in the trailer taking shelter, monster dog thankfully can care less about storms, the kids were sobbing, Matthew was praying for just one more day of life (not sure what that means for tomorrow), and Alyssa was trying to be brave but had tears in her eyes and was scared. Thankfully the storm was over a lot quicker than it began, and when we went outside the sun was shining, there were puddles everywhere and the site across the road from us had a huge tree lying across it squashing their dining tent. That crack of lightening we ducked for was actually the tree snapping. Thankfully the family had been sheltering in their other tent at the time. Hence the sound of chainsaws as I started typing this.

It's later in the afternoon now the sound of chainsaws has been replaced by music, they are celebrating being alive, there's a possibility tomorrow they may wish they weren't.