When home is no longer where you think it is......

As some of you know, on the 10th of February my Dad sadly passed away. He was two months shy of his 89th birthday and was a man who had so much knowledge and had done so many different things in his life that I can happily say he lived a full good life. However his sudden passing left me needing to do an emergency trip back home. Home, the place I grew up and lived for the first 29 years of my life, the place I have missed so much.  Half of me was almost happy to do the trip, (not the reason for the trip, but to see the place of my dreams.) So 27 hours of flying and airports (that's just one way) and a 7 hour time difference and then 10 days later doing it all over again to get back to Canada and I feel like I have been knocked on my butt.

I typed some of this while I was there and the rest I have just finished now.

Flying into Africa was a strange feeling. It's like coming home, but I realized almost immediately it's no longer my home. It's the first time I have felt like this, all my previous visits I breathed a sigh of relief to be back in Africa, to be home where things were familiar and life is vibrant and exciting. Now as I pushed my way through the rowdy masses in JHB airport, clinging to my bags to stop a "helper" from forcibly taking them from me while he showed me the way to my next gate I almost had a sense of foreboding.  I know my visit was not of a pleasant nature which may have had an implication on my mood, but things felt so different this time.  I made my way to the boarding gate for my last of the three flights, a short 50 minute flight to Durban, there was no plane at the gate and people looked confused.  I took a seat and joined them.  A pilot sat down next to me and then as we are about to start boarding they announce that they have changed the gates and we need to get across to the other end of the gates to board now.  The pilot shakes his head and says to me, "Jhb airport couldn't organize a piss up in a brewery"  and tells me not to rush with the rest of the people, the plane is not leaving without him.  Welcome to Africa.

I guess by the time I arrived and cleared customs I looked travel weary, I was jet lagged and my back was in pain from a skating fall I had had a few weeks earlier, the customs guy looked at me and said "long flight? - never mind, you're home now". It Made me smile, but at the same time I knew my home was thousands of miles away in Canada with my kids and DH.

Below are a couple of random observations both good and bad from my trip to share.

Umhlanga Lighthouse - Photo by: Jen

Durban is HOT and HUMID, I nearly melted....I could not survive that long term, I was almost longing for -20c note I said almost!

There is nothing like the smell of the earth when it rains in Africa, especially after a hot day. It brought a tear to my eye when it rained the first day and the overwhelming smell hit me, I sat outside on my Moms patio and breathed it in.

Newspapers in SA are depressing. It's only local news, and most of the reports about the crime in the suburbs do not even warrant reporting on. Except for the sports pages, where local and some international sport (mostly European) is covered, it's all about violence and politics.

The food is exceptional. Even from the moment I climbed on SAA, the food was wonderful, SA'ers truly know how to eat. I am typing this while still here and I have no access to a scale, but I know I have gained weight and loved every minute of it.

I craved biltong (it was amazing) I craved a jam donut (it was a disappointment- I threw half of it away). I ate the best steak ever.

The lack of cable internet drives me crazy, even using my brothers ADSL line for dedicated access was slow and not like I am used to.

I did not feel safe. We walked across to the shops and I had the sudden thought that I should not have my bag with my iPad and wallet and phone over my shoulder.

I got used to driving a stick shift on the wrong side of the road and within 24 hours felt like I had been doing it for years.

Mosquitoes love me, does not matter the country, I am the one in the room that they will bite.

Biltong cream cheese is one of the best things ever made

It was amazing to see old friends, there are some people you can just pick up with where you left. It does not matter if it's been 7 years or 20 years.

I love the fact that they serve Coke Zero in restaurants, I missed bottomless soft drinks though.

Alcohol is cheap.

Having packers when you go through the checkout at grocery stores makes your life so much easier

Monkeys are cute

Loved the exchange rate, it was a pleasure being on the right side of it for once.

Clothing in the stores mostly sucked. What is up with the fashion sense there? It was either hippiesh 70s style or neon late 80s. I dont care if that is coming back...I am never going back to the 80s. And skirts that are short in front and long at the back are stupid.

I made a note to myself to open a bank account in my own name with some money in it. If your spouse dies and you need cash when all the bank accounts are frozen it's a problem. Especially when the funeral home demands payment on the spot....so much so that they will follow you to the bank and wait outside for proof of payment.

Having to drive with your handbag tucked under your legs out of sight is a pain, as is having to lock your car doors, take the gear lock off, the steering wheel lock off, de-arm the immobilizer, and have cash on hand to tip the car guards that patrol every parking lot.

Hibiscus Flower - Photo by Jen

Nothing can compare with the lush green and vibrant colourful flowers in a tropical climate, it is beautiful.  Made worse for me by the fact that at this time of year everything in Canada is white and grey and slushy!

The first time I really felt homesick for SA was the day before I left. We spent the day walking along the beachfront and sitting on the sand watching my nephews swim. I miss the ocean, I miss hearing it I miss watching it, I miss diving in it.

On every previous trip I have felt sorrow leaving, I felt like I was leaving a part of my heart and soul behind, I did not feel that this time. I was looking forward to getting home, home to DH, home to my kids, home to the monster dog, and yes even home to the snow. Don't get me wrong, a part of me will always belong to Africa, I will always support the sports teams and I will always love and miss the country, I was born there, I grew up and became me there, it's just that I realize now that home is where your family are, and for right now, home for me is Canada.

Things I have learned being a mom.

You will always think you are a failure....and yes there are things you suck at. I suck at reading with my kids, I know I should sit and do it every night, especially with Princess as she is not a good reader, but it is so frustrating! The thing is, although you are a failure it's important to look at the areas you do well in. I give them a loving home, they eat well, veggies and fruit are in their diet every day and they don't eat a diet of crap, fast food and take out. That's got to make up for the reading right? So I guess they will be healthy illiterates ;)

Taking your kids to extra mural activities is a pain...but there are benefits. We do MMA three times a week. It's a mad rush in the evenings to get dinner down, get dressed and out the house, it means leaving a plate of dinner to be rewarmed for DH when he gets home. The benefits, healthier kids who know how to protect themselves and are learning some good discipline skills. And yes ok, I'll admit it's not such a chore as I thought it would be, there is another benefit, there are young well built men rolling around the floor training the kids....need I say more?

You can't change who you are just because you're a parent. I tried not swearing and being a good role model, it sucked. So yes, I swear and I'll admit I have been known to have the odd drink while they are around, and I most certainly have fun with my friends all with my kids around. The outcome, my kids don't swear, but they do know every swear word (well almost every, there are maybe two that I can think of that don't get said in front of them). The plus side on this, when they hear someone swear outside the home, or on tv, it's not a big deal to them, they are not shocked and horrified. They know adults (and some younger kids who are trying to show off) talk like this and they don't care. They also know that if they say any of the words they will reap the consequences. In the long run we will have to see, but I often wonder if the age old stories of the pastors kids always rebelling and the rebels kids turning out to be good, have something to say, and if nothing else by the time they are adults my kids will be able to cuss like a sailor.

I think the biggest thing is if the kids are happy, healthy and well adjusted, and know whats important in life you are doing an ok job, no matter how you are raising them.  Also remember there are parents who suck at this far more than any of us!

2012 - a year gone by....

Last year I wrote a blog post about keeping New Years Resolutions and setting the bar lower to enable us to actually keep them.  (You can read it here if you wish)  I even went so far as to blog my two resolutions that I had made to put them out there for the world to see.  I just went back and re-read my post and sadly....I only kept one of them.  I ran the 5K race, in fact I ran two of them, something that I never would have thought possible over a year ago.  The second resolution to lose the 25lbs and reach my goal weight, not so much....but I didn't gain anything!!  So that has to count for something right??

I feel like I had a fairly successful year last year, I had a new positive mental attitude and it worked for me.  I re-learned to ice skate (something I had always been afraid of!) and while I will never be doing pirouettes or jumps out there I can now play tag with the kids and actually catch them.  I found I just needed to stop worrying about falling and tell myself I could do it.  I mean whats the worst that could have happened, I could break a leg or smash my face and sever an artery - been there done that, I survived.

I started volunteering and ended up doing a lot more than I ever anticipated for the organization, made a lot of new friends and even got to attend a film festival party.  I gained a whole new side to the family when my brother and his family moved here and we all survived living under one roof for a few months, 8 of us if you include the kids, without killing each other...in fact I think we can all be relieved that we survived that experience really well.

The year was not without its challenges, we had some major upheavals and I am grateful that we came out on top, stronger and hopefully wiser than before, and perhaps able to deal with whatever life throws at us next with a bit more confidence.

So what lies ahead for 2013, I have no clue, however I intend to run another 5K this year, I have one planned to do in April and by the fall I would like to do a 10K. I am going to get to my goal weight this year!, no excuses!  I saw a post the other day that motivated me, it read, "You can have results or excuses" and I realized its time to stop with the excuses and get the results I want!  
I am also going to make sure that this year I am grateful, I am going to celebrate lifes small  victories, I am going to be happy for all the good things that I do have, family, home, people who love me and yes even the monster dog. (I am in fact very grateful that she seems to finally be house trained and is no longer eating shoes!)

I think 2013 is going to be a good year!

 

It's all about perspective

I know I don't do many serious blog posts, it's not in my nature to be serious and solemn for too long. I tend to diffuse awkward situations with humor and sarcasm. In fact, I initially hesitated to post this as it is about a dear friend, and I was not sure if she would want this out there. I solved my dilemma by emailing it to her first and explaining it. In turn she emailed me thanking me, and saying it would make a lovely blog post. Her email made me cry (and those of you who know me, know I don't cry!) it also made me realize that sometimes the best thing we can do is to just let others know that they are loved and that we are thinking of them.

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I have a friend who posted these quotes as her Facebook status yesterday.

"In our daily lives, we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful but the
gratefulness that makes us happy. -Albert Clarke

Happiness is not something that we simply hug to ourselves. If we do then we smother it! Happiness is increased by giving it away to others! The recognition of how precious being alive is should fuel our gratitude and cause us to create happiness and blessings for others, thereby increasing our own. If we find ourselves unhappy perhaps that is an indication that we are holding onto ourselves a bit too tightly? -Journey2Kona2019"

Inspirational?....Sure, people put up quotes like this from time to time, but what hit home with me was that this particular friend has been dealt a rough hand. She is about 10 years younger than me and yet she is living in pain, taking a cocktail of drugs to get her through the day so that she can still be the loving Momma to her three little ones, all while hoping that the drugs don't ruin her body more and that her disease does not progress further or faster. But here she is looking at the happy side of life, not wallowing in self pity, not crying and yelling at the world. She is one of the kindest most selfless people I know, if anyone deserves a break it's her. I can tell she is tired and worn down, and I know I have failed at being the type of friend she would be to me if our roles were reversed and for that I apologize. I should have been doing more, so so much more.

I am not going to name any names here, a few of you may know who I am talking about. My main aim with this post is to say I know we don't tell you enough how much you are appreciated, how much you are loved and how much we admire you. You made me realize that how we choose to look at our lives, how we choose to live them, and how happy we are is all up to us, it's all about perspective.

 Thank you.

Christmas time.....joy to the world and all that shit

I fear I may be turning into Howard Langston.  He's the guy Arnold Schwarzenegger played in that Christmas movie - Jingle all the way....you know the guy who was trying to get his kid the hottest toy and they were all sold out.

Diggle wanted the slushi maker, apparently its available everywhere else in the country, but anywhere near me is sold out.  I read the reviews and people are not overly impressed with it...its a toy, it requires a lot of assembly and manual working etc, so I convinced Diggle that Santa was battling with the demand on this one and since he knows how clever Diggle is he wondered if he would mind having a snow cone maker....its electric, the same price as the toys and you can sort of make slushi drinks with it too  it says.

So Diggle is happy with this idea, I go to get the snow cone maker from the home store...and I guess all the other Moms had the same idea.  They only have the two demo models left, I am welcome to buy them, but no box, no instructions and no accessories.  Well no thank you, I was not overly enthused with that idea.   I came home and searched the stores and even have toyed with the idea of buying Diggle a Margarita maker, its essentially the same thing and the bonus is we can set up a margarita stand on the sidewalk in summer for the Moms! I guarantee it will make more money than a lemonade stand!  But the problem with this is they are expensive....much much more than the damn snow cone machine, oh and is it an inappropriate gift for a 7 year old?  I can just imagine the conversation with the teacher in January, Santa gave you what??

I got him something that is not exactly what either of us had in mind but it was all there was left and it was on sale...on the way  out the store another Mom grabbed me and said "where did you get that??" with that look of desperation in her eyes....I had to tell her there was only one left and she started running through the store.

I hate shopping, the people are all crazy in the shops at the moment, and I despise crowds.  I think I am nearly done, and thankfully the hi-light of my Christmas shopping will be a conversation between a cashier and a blind man I overheard today while I was standing in line at the checkout.
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Cashier: Will you be needing a gift receipt with this electric meat slicer sir?

Blind Man:  No thank you it's for myself.

Cashier:  (the look on her face had me in giggles) oh!....... (a long pause).......um

Blind Man: oh its ok, I cut all my own meat and pour my own drinks

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Blind man  + what is essentially a circular saw for food....yeah I can see this ending well.

Now next week its baking week....

Worlds best egg nog

I have friends who email me every year asking for my egg nog recipe.  I'll admit to it being one of the best ever recipes, but it would be nice if these friends would email me other times of the year too ;)

Anyway this year I have decided to share, and preempt the requests by posting it on here.  At the very least I'll see who of these friends actually read my blog.

Now I would first like to give a warning, do not under any circumstance drink this if you have a Doctors appointment for bloodwork in the next month.  This is not cholesterol friendly at all.

6 large eggs (separated)
250ml White rum (I like something with a slight coconut flavour)
250ml fresh cream
187ml sugar
1Lt Milk
125ml Brandy

Beat the egg yolks and sugar, beat in run and milk.   Fold in stiffly beaten egg whites then add cream and brandy gently and stir.  Top with shredded chocolate or nutmeg (depending on your taste buds).  You can make it stronger, although it already has quite a kick to it, so I would suggest adding more to your own glass at the end.

We leave a glass out for Santa every Christmas eve and he seems to appreciate the kick, I think it helps him finish off this half of the world.  Remember he's been on the go for a long time by the time he gets to Canada!
I think he may even give some to the reindeer.

This egg nog is so good that when I used to make it my old dog would cry and beg to lick any drops she could.  (I know, don't give human stuff to a dog right? before my vegan animal friendly friends feel the need to tell me)  It can't have hurt her too bad though cause she lived to 16.  And no before anyone suggests it, Monster Dog is not allowed anything that may make her do something crazier than she already does!

Life lessons for my kids

• There is always a bigger slice.... or a plate with more on it.  Just take the plate I give you and eat, if it takes 5 minutes to decide which plate is bigger you wont notice the extra mouthful.

• You are still alive - stop complaining

• If you are playing out in the street with all your friends and are too cold/hot, come inside....do not ask if all 10 friends can come in too....its not going to happen!  Go and ask one of  their Moms  if you can all go inside their house....I bet I know the answer!

• I am only buying one jar of Nutella, if you raid the cupboard and eat it all do not expect to find another jar in there for a long time.

• Just because something has a picture of fruit on it does not make it healthy....but yes I will sometimes buy it for you to shut you  up.  If you have asked for it, begged for it, pleaded for it and then decide once I have bought it that you really don't like it, you will eat it anyway.

• Behind the cushions on the couch is not a garbage bin!  Stop putting your wrappers down there.  - Yes Diggle that means you, you are the only one who sits there apart from Dad, and I am pretty sure his mother did not let him stuff food wrappers down the couch either!

• You cannot have desert every night, yes, around Halloween you can, but only because I want to get rid of the damn candy as quickly as possible so your dad and I don't eat it all and gain 20lbs

• The other nights desert is saved for those dinners you are not really that fond of...it's called bribery, get used to it, it's the way the world works!

• I know when you are stalling at bed time. Like when you have spent all day playing and ignoring me then suddenly after bed time has passed you wish to spend time with me and cuddle? Also asking to have the tv switched on, on your favorite show while said cuddling is taking place does not improve your chances.

• Blaming the monster dog for things will not always work. For example if one of your mittens are missing and you blame her, there is a pretty good chance I will believe you. Blaming her for the fact that tv magically turned itself on while you were eating dinner, or for the leftovers that mysteriously disappeared from the fridge from a sealed Tupperware....not so much.

• You are both very competitive, I have no idea where this comes from, none whatsoever, nope, most certainly not me! However there are two of you, you are both good at different things, there are winners and there are L... Non winners, get over it, sometimes you will beat your sibling sometimes they will beat you but all the time I will beat you both. Oh and the only reason I don't let you win at games is to teach you that  you cant win all the time, it has nothing to do with me having to win.