Thursday, 28 March 2013

A blog of completely random thoughts and topics

  • I had to get a new phone before my trip to SA a few weeks back, so much to DHs disgust I chose to get an iPhone. I love it! I particularly love Siri. She provides hours of entertainment for the kids and I, however there are some things that we do have problems with. She battles with my accent, I can say the thing a few times over and she won't get it, Princess takes the phone from me, says it once and Siri gets it right? How is this fair?  My phone listens to my 8 year old and not me!
  • On twitter the other night someone I follow posted "overheard...Siri where can I hide a dead body?" I asked him what the answer was, but he was slow to reply, so I went and got my phone and asked her the same question myself.  She answered me with, "what kind of place are you looking for, dumps, reservoirs, metal foundries, swamps, mortuaries, funeral services, mines, cremation services? "   DH walks in looks at me and says, "You know that's going to show up on your Internet searches after you murder me right?" I think its so sweet of him to worry about that!
  • Spring is on it's way, so I've been told, I'll just avoid looking outside for a while so I won't see the snowflakes that are drifting down as I type this! I keep telling myself that I don't mind too much since its supposed to be 8C by Saturday, so it will all be gone. 
  •  On a completely unrelated note to anything else my ass still hurts from my ice skating fall that I had in January...I've said it before me and ice do not mix well unless its in my gin and tonic!
  • Yes it's that time of year once again.  I went out today and bought the kids Easter eggs.  I think I may go into shock over how much I just spent on chocolate! Funny thing was this morning when talking to DH I said, "I'm going to go light on the eggs for the kids this year, they don't need as much as they usually get, in fact we end up eating half."  He looked at me skeptically and said "uh huh."  Sad to say he may know me better than I know myself!  Apparently to me, going light means buying one of every kind of egg and chocolate I can see! 
  • I got them home and I admit, before hiding the rest, I opened the packet of mini cream eggs, my biggest weakness.  I want to do obscene things to cream eggs, bite the top off and lick out the inside, bit by gooey bit.  I am not sure how they managed to pack an orgasm into such a small parcel but someone deserves a medal.

Wednesday, 6 March 2013

Reasons I shouldn't be a parent and other weird conversations with my kids

Diggle: On the way to school in the car: "We're gonna be late, we are so screwed!"
Me: "You cannot say we're screwed in that context. It's a bad word."
Diggle: "But why mom? You screw in a screw why is it a bad word?"
Me: "Well when it's used in a sentence like this, it doesn't mean the same thing, so don't use it."
Diggle: Looks at me like I'm making this up..."Okay, but what does it mean Mommy?"
Me: Stuck for an answer now..."You know fuck is a bad word and you are not allowed to say it? Well it means the same as that" - note he has no idea what fuck means either!
Diggle: "oh okay then"
Me.....tries to refrain from banging my head on the steering wheel while seriously questioning my parenting abilities

"Are you sure you want to put your favorite food down as mashed cauliflower?"  - me to Princess while completing a school project about herself.
Her answer:  "Oh yes, it's yummy."  I have no words, okay she's a freak, I know its done with cheese and is pretty good.....but what happened to french fries and candy and.....?

Buses are cancelled due to weather, but we live a short drive away from school, Me: "Are you sure you want to go to school today...there's a lot of snow out there?"
Kids:  "Yeah we'll go otherwise our cousin (who has just started this year at the same school) will miss us".- , who's kids are these that when given a choice they choose to go to school?

Diggle sitting in the bath tub examining himself: "Mom why do I have two jewels?"
Me: (clearly I wasn't watching him or I would have caught on quicker) "Jewels?"
Diggle: "Nuts Mom, family jewels..." (picture a 7 year old with an exasperated look on his face like I'm a complete idiot)
Me: (trying to keep a straight face) "Well, um,  you're a boy and all boys are made like that and have two"
Diggle: "Oh okay, thinks for a I guess one is a spare in case one breaks...."
Me:  "Yeah sure, um lets try not to break any okay?"

Me: "Don't eat all those carrot sticks, save room for dinner...." I know! WTF? Who's kids are these anyway? Carrot sticks? I don't think I have ever been hungry enough to sit and eat a bag of raw carrot!
Kids: "Whats for dinner?"
Me: "Chicken nuggets and fries....oh okay never mind, keep eating the carrots!"