Full Day number 1 done and dusted

I arrived yesterday, another long flight done and very glad to be back on the ground for the next few days. Had pizza with the family, got a look at some of the stuff to sort through and passed out for the night on the sleeper couch in my moms living room. All told I slept pretty well, awake from 2 - 4 am and then back to sleep until 6:30am, when I got up and tackled the first few things before a shower and coffee. 

I will admit I'm impressed with what I got done today. I cleaned tabled covered in mountains of paperwork, all while reading my school reports about how lazy, unmotivated and underachieving I was, with apparently my flair for being creative my only redeeming quality. (yes that's how much paperwork my mom has hoarded, and yes if you ever wondered why I have self esteem issues I think I may be able to point out why now). 

I put at least 6 black garbage bags out of stuff to give away for free or real garbage and did a few smaller bags of things for my nephews here to take back and fiddle with. I'm lying here feeling accomplished and I haven't even got to the good part of the day.

My best friend from school and bridesmaid at my wedding flew down from Johannesburg to spend some time with me today as it is not very often we are on the same continent. She spent the afternoon watching me shred papers, laughing at my face as I went through my Dads old stuff (and she wasn't even here when I found the condoms in my dads draw), and helping me sort through the liquor cabinet.

Sorting through the liquor cabinet was an adventure in itself. There are bottles in there that we were too scared to drink, we opened them outside and poured them down the drain. There were bottles we kept, admittedly we had to google if certain types of alcohol went bad and had to do a sniff, taste and visual inspection before drinking. 

All in all it was a successful and good day and I feel very blessed and happy right now, but that may be the 15 year old vodka talking. Tomorrow when faced with the next few cupboards to sort through I may not feel so great. I will only get to post this tomorrow night when I get a decent Internet connection at my brothers house, if vodka does go bad, I'll be able to let you know by then.

Update from Dubai

At 5:30am today I ate a breakfast that would put an Olympic athlete to shame. In my defence I skipped dinner last night in favour of a hot shower and a bed. All that seemed like a good idea at the time, however at 1:00am when I woke up starving I started to reconsider how wise that was.

Let me start at the beginning though. At this present time I'm in an airport hotel room in Dubai on my layover to Durban. My body has no idea what time zone it's in or what meal I should be eating. I flew from Canada on Wednesday night, changed time zones to one that is 8 hours ahead of Toronto, arrived here after 13 hours and it was night again. This morning I leave here, fly another 8.5 hours to a time zone that's 2 hours behind this one and 6 hours ahead of Toronto. Are you confused yet? Yes? Good so am I.

I had a pretty decent flight from Canada even though I had a 5 year old girl sitting next to me. I inwardly groaned when she took her seat, expecting the worst, but she turned out to be well behaved and slept like a dream for most of the flight. Her mom was so happy to have someone who didn't mind if her daughters feet were resting on them and was happy to chat to the kid that I began to wonder if she was going to invite me to spend the night at her mothers house instead of the hotel. I got a bit of sleep, watched some movies and tv shows and still have more to watch on the way home! I highly recommend Emirates, their entertainment list is wonderful. 

Breezed through passport control here in Dubai on my Canadian passport, no visa required no questions asked. Got to my hotel, showered and slept. Until my marathon breakfast an hour ago. Now I'm back in my room trying to decided if I should relax here or go to the airport early to find a free wifi signal. All my friends are mostly now asleep, so maybe I'll split the difference and relax here for a bit and just get to the airport early enough to check mail and messages and post this.  This was just a quick update for now, I'm sure I'll have more to post once I'm settled in at my moms.

Africa

A land of colour, a land of beauty
A land of violence and strife
It calls you home, it pushes you away
The juxtaposition of life

The sea, the sun, the earthy smell in the air
The bustle of crowds, the vibrance of life
It reeks of hope, it clings to desperation
It festers in greed and false promises

Oh Africa, I love you, I fear you
I miss you dearly
I long to be back, I long to be done with you
Never to go near you

It's in your blood
It's in your soul
I'll be home soon,
but I'll never truly be home again

Chapter 1

I started out this year setting a goal of doing at least two blog posts a month. It keeps me at least writing something, it may be a general ramble about nothing of any particular interest but it keeps me writing. I have of course started previous years with goals like this too and faltered by mid year, so who knows what will happen. 

I had started a blog post called Bizarre things we say to our kids, using my example that gave me a wtf moment the other day. I said to my lovely 9 year old daughter, if a boy gives you all his money, you can't just up and leave. Stay around and play with him for a while so he thinks it was worth giving you the money. I stopped short after that and thought...wait, what did I just teach her? The basics of prostitution? 
In my defense and to put this into context a little, it was an online interactive game where some boy was trying to buy her friendship and after getting the money, her brother was trying to get her to up and leave so she could share her new found wealth with him.  I felt that since she'd encouraged this boy to part with his money the least she could do was spend some time playing with him. I ran out of things to say on this blog post though as it turns out I don't say as much bizarre stuff as I thought. Stop stuffing your dirty socks everywhere, flush the toilet, and stop annoying each other really didn't seem to cut it.

The good news on my writing front however is that I am back to writing fiction. I haven't been inspired for a long time, and have only managed to push out a few Drabbles (100 word exactly) and odd small  very short pieces. I have friends who have been bugging me to get back to a half finished story they were reading but I seem to have lost my mojo on that one. Every time I sit down to finish it I feel like I am forcing a new paragraph out. It was never going to be an epic long story, but it has potential, and in time I would like to get it finished, just not now.

I have started a new project, something I am quite inspired and excited about. This will not be just a short story, I have plans for it to be novel length, yes, a full book. Also it's going to be a work that my mom can read and enjoy, that means keeping the erotica fairly tame or at least editing it out on her version, she is after all the one who has been bugging me to write a full length story. I hope I can keep the momentum up, I have my plot outlined in my head and the first full chapter is down "on paper" well actually it's on Google Docs, waiting to be edited. I'm setting myself a daily word goal (well for the days when the words are flowing at least) and I figure I'll have some time to write while I sit in airports and on planes in a months time. 

Now if I could just keep myself from getting distracted by twitter...

Predicting the future

I met a girl when I was in my 20's who believed she could read palms. I was mildly buzzed at a party so I agreed to let her look at mine. Something I have always regretted. Unless someone is going to tell you you're going to win the lotto and live a charmed life, you don't want to know the future.

She looked at my palm, scrunched up her face and ominously said, "Oh...wow. Have you hard a very hard life?" To which I probably looked vaguely confused, I mean I grew up with three older brothers, and was a little bit of a social outcast at school, does that count? When I replied with a "Not really." She looked a little mortified and started back peddling, mumbling something about how she had always been told not to tell people of bad things in their future then scurried away.

That left me a little concerned about what life had in store for me, and every time I go through a rough patch I'm left wondering, was this what she was talking about.  I've had my share of trials over the years, leaving South Africa and starting again was hard, not being able to get pregnant and going through years of drugs, being put into false menopause and doing IVF wasn't exactly a walk in the park. Having a son born with a club foot, needing surgery and years and years of casts and corrective devices wasn't a whole lot of fun either, but none of these are what I would've considered enough to tell someone they're going to endure hard times. I guess one persons hard time is another's idea of life.

I figure after 20 odd years I'm safe from her prediction, I'm not even sure I really believe anyone can predict the future. I'm not sure I'd want to know. If you knew what the future held, would you try change it? What would you miss if you changed it, it could be something defining and important.

To quote a country song, 

"I'm glad I didn't know 

The way it all would end, the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance" - Garth Brooks

Yes don't judge me, I've been known to listen to country music from time to time.

Taking joy in the small things

It hasn't been a particularly good week in our household, and my emotions have gone from highs to extreme lows at varying times throughout the week. Today I'm feeling the need to take stock and look back on the things that I'm thankful for and that have brought me some form of joy this week.

I bathed the monster dog, now while this may seem trivial to you, it brought me joy. She sits on top of me and loves me too much, she was smelling worse than the inside of my sons snow boots and that was not pleasant. I now have a fresh clean, soft cuddle partner.

I have awesome friends, they support me when I'm in need and even treat me to lunch and coffee after a Doctors appointment that they know was no fun.

DH is on a health kick, he's no longer bringing crap home and is even working out. This benefits me in multiple ways. I get a fit, healthy husband who has more stamina and looks sexy and I too lose weight because I'm not being tempted by donuts and chocolates calling my name.

Last night we observed earth hour with the kids, we turned off the lights and all electronics (a rare occurrence in this house). We lit some candles, pulled out the camping lantern and spent the hour playing pictionary with the kids. It was a fun evening and the kids can't wait to play again. My team naturally won in case anyone wondered.

Spring seems to be trying to make an appearance at long last. The snow is receding, there are a few more sunny days on the calendar and I'm seeing a light at the end of the long, bitterly cold winter.

With the spring thaw comes the dreaded dog poop cleanup of the backyard. Now I can see you sitting there reading this asking yourself what would she possibly be thankful about regarding this? It's a simple answer really, DH did it this weekend, and I'm eternally thankful I never had to do it myself.

Online shenanigans, firstly get your minds out the gutter, not that sort of shenanigans. There was a "disturbance in the force" online with a group of friends,acquaintances and general group of people I see. Some were ecstatic, some were pissed, some were sad and some were just downright rude and obnoxious. The point of this is, it took my mind off my own worries, it gave a lot to read, to laugh at, to shake my head at and to discuss, and yes I'm thankful for that and thankful I was one of the people who wasn't upset.

Today's joy came in the form of a simple walk in the sunshine, yes the wind was cold and the paths were muddy from melted snow, but it felt really good to have the family outdoors and get some exercise too. The added bonus was some pretty scenes and fun had by all.

Fractured ice on the river we were walking next to.

Great kilometer trail markers

Inukshuk by the trail

Happy kids who had fun

43

It's my birthday on Monday...43, I turn 43! I'm left pondering the question how did I get here, how am I 43 and living a suburban domestic life?

Is it time for me to have my midlife crisis yet? Maybe I'm already having it. Should I go out and buy a sports car or find myself a young stud? Well sports cars are a waste of money unless you're rich, I'd rather have a trip to Hawaii, and a young stud? Well that just seems like a lot of work, like having to housebreak a puppy, wouldn't you prefer one that's already housebroken? I wouldn't say no to some liposuction, maybe a tummy tuck, I'll keep those in mind for when my crisis really hits home.

The thing is I don't feel 43. I don't feel like I'm a kid and still 16 or 18, however, I feel no different from when I was in my late 20's and 30's, just with more responsibilities and kids. And less time to make something of my life. Now if I just knew what I wanted to make of it, perhaps I could start.

Don't get me wrong I'm not saying I haven't done anything great with my life, I've had wonderful experiences, traveled and done things a lot of people would only dream of. I've got two beautiful kids who ultimately have to be the center of everything and my ultimate devotion and reason behind any decisions I make. I just feel like I haven't accomplished what I was put on this earth to do. The question is how do you accomplish becoming a rich beach bum when you live in the frozen wasteland of Canada?

In all seriousness I feel like I have more potential, more to give. Maybe everybody feels like this? I surely can't be that unique? Is life passing me by while I'm playing at being a mother and wife with the picket fence and shoveling snow? I sure hope not, I hope to one day realize my potential, find my passion and maybe then find my hammock on the beach to retire and be a beach bum.