Things my children will one day understand - Part Deux

Image By: Monique Jansen

• There are toys that mommy keeps forgetting to buy batteries for, I am really sorry. And for some reason, even when you have put them on my shopping list the store is out of that size. There is absolutely no correlation between this and how annoying your dad and I find those particular toys....nope none whatsoever!

• No amount of negotiation is going to change your school night bedtime. I don't really care if you are not tired, I am! Go in your room and lie in bed talking to each other till you fall asleep. This is my time to unwind, relax and clean up the kitchen before decent tv starts for the night.

• When you come down from a time out, it is a good time to look subdued and remorseful. Do not come down and immediately start arguing over why you were unjustly sent for a timeout. Even if you were, this is not going to help. In fact it will more than likely result in you being sent back to your room.

• Refusing to eat your dinner because you are "full" and then suddenly getting hungry for a sandwich later on is not going to work.

• Occasionally I will ask you what you want for dinner and give you some options to choose from. This is usually when I have nothing prepared. If you cant come to an agreement between the two of you, I will pick the easiest and quickest thing to cook and you will eat it. I will not be making you two separate meals just because you both picked different things.

• On weekends when Mommys and Daddys like to sleep in, it is not a good idea to come through and tell me that you are awake and going downstairs. Just go, raid the cereal cupboard and watch some tv.....quietly!!

• Asking me to leave the room so you can play does not really make me want to rush out and leave you to your own devices. Also, if you have hidden something you don't want me to find, telling me where "not to look" is usually a good place for me to immediately go to. I know one day you will clue into this and probably start messing with my head using it to your advantage, but for now I love that you are pretty transparent.

• This one is for Diggle alone....it is insanely creepy when you sneak up and scare the crap out of me! You have made my hair stand on end! Please stop....just stop!

Gluteus Maximus

I have a pulled butt muscle!  Its just lovely and I don't even have a good story to tell you about how it happened.  In fact I am not even sure how it happened as I first felt it a good 24 hours after a run, I was climbing out the car to get the kids from school when I felt it twinge!  Just great, there goes my running for the next while, while I rest my butt - literally!

So I guess I am supposed to implement RICE here....

Rest - well ok, how much can I rest, I can stop running, but I cant stop walking, cleaning up after the kids and general activity, the family would starve and the kids would never get home from school....hmmm, theres an interesting thought.

Ice - I could go and sit my butt outside in the snow!  Or I suppose the less inventive way would be to shove an ice pack down my pants!

Compression - How to compress my butt?  I have no idea, if I could do this I would have done it years ago, it would have saved me a fortune in dieting!

Elevation - I don't care I am not putting my butt in the air while I rest!

I guess I could go for a massage, although I feel a little bashful to phone and book myself in for a butt massage, anyone got any ideas on this one?  I am thinking I probably just have to wait it out and hope it heals quickly.

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Today in my effort not to run I cleaned the house a bit and did some of the paperwork that I had been putting off for the last 6 months as I found this particular task too daunting.  Surprisingly once I started it I found it was relatively simple and within an hour I had it completed and have felt a huge sense of relief to have it off my desk instead of sitting under my keyboard trying to be ignored.

I also did a general clean of my desk which led me to find some unclaimed medical expenses which I submitted and even got me to check that the cheque for DH's life insurance cleared before the renewal date.  Not that I plan on offing him in the near future, but you can never be too prepared (in the life insurance and ways to off him department).

Tomorrow we are expecting a snow storm, our first majorish one of the winter.  It seems really odd to be thinking of that only now near the end of February.  It will be good to have some snow around though, so maybe this weekend we can get out sledding with the kids.  I guess shoveling the snow from the driveway tomorrow will be my exercise, that can't use too many butt muscles can it?
Oh and the bright side, I may even get to  sit down for a while and ice my butt!

Family Day

Well the good news is I am not in hospital, I survived my ice skating escapade yesterday. In fact I skated the best I ever have, and did not land on my ass or head at any time! I think it was my awesome new skates, along with my new attitude towards doing all these things I have been too scared or lax to do before.

Today was Family Day here in Canada, a holiday for most people. Its a day created for us to spend time with family, I guess in order to make you appreciate them more?

 We went canoe shopping with the kids. About three hours in the car with the kids asking for snacks (which fortunately I had), and playing their DS's. A few grumbles and thankfully no one needing to stop to pee.  Along with the road trip, factor in a good hour at the canoe place trying to keep the kids from knocking all the canoes over and doing any damage, while discussing the merits of various models vs cost and weights with DH.
I appreciate my family really well now! Actually I appreciate how it could have been worse too. DH and I got into a little discussion on the way home when I was supposed to be navigating and he missed the turn off for a road he knew we needed to take.  Apparently I was too wrapped up looking at something on twitter to notice we were getting close to the turn off and tell him.  So it took us a little longer to get home via the scenic route.

After we got home, DH settled down to watch a movie with the kids and I went down to run off some frustrations to hit the treadmill. I actually got a really good run in and felt much better.

 Now it's time for the kids to go to bed, ah peace at last, so I am planning to curl up in bed and watch tv for the night, sounds like perfect Family Day time to me!

Skating On Thin Ice

My next post may be coming to you from a hospital bed. Why? You ask. Well I bought myself a pair of ice skates, and this afternoon I am going to try and ice skate for the first time in about 9 years. I was never very good 9 years ago and then I had my two incidences involving ice, both of which led to hospital visits, stitches and surgeries. So with that track record why am I attempting this? Well, I live in Canada, I have young children and I want to be able to do the whole embracing of winter sports thing with them. I want to be able to skate on the outdoor rinks and sip hot chocolate afterwards to warm up. I don't want to be the parent standing on the side watching and wishing they were finished already so we can go home and be warm. Maybe I will be the parent on the ice wishing we could go home and get warm, but I have to try.

I got a nice pair of skates, they are the more comfortable recreation skates, along with an easy lace up dial that you turn. Anything to make my life a little easier! They are super quick to put on, something I need as the kids are always eager to go once I have them laced up, so if I have to spend 5 minutes lacing my own boots I will be ready to get back in the car before they are done.

Am I scared about doing this? Yes, I am terrified of setting foot on the ice. I am convinced I will land on my ass and embarrass myself in front of my friends, but if I do I will live. At least I hope I will live, I really don't need any more scars, they may be sexy on a guy, but I have my fill and already have to use makeup to cover some up.

I will warn the kids to stay away from me while I attempt this, as anyone near me is fair game to be thrown down under me to soften my landing, they are wearing helmets and can take the knock. Maybe I need to look for a really well padded hat? Maybe I just need to look for sanity!  Regardless if you don't hear from me for a while send flowers to the local hospital.

The dog ate my homework

No really, she did! Twice!  I guess that's what you get for doing homework out of something edible, although with our dog it would not even have to be edible!

Diggle had his 100 day project done. He made a picture of a boy fishing, with fish etc, using 100 goldfish crackers. We glued them onto a piece of cardboard and left it to dry on the table. Monster dog jumped up onto the table and ate half the crackers. We redid the picture, moved it so that monster could not get to it and left it to dry. It dried, was looking great and Princess decided to move it, the next morning monster ate the boy and the sun. We redid it again and this time warned anyone who moved it would be in deep trouble.  Diggle got to take it to school this time and do his presentation then guess what?  The class promptly tucked in and ripped all the crackers off and ate them....good thing I used non toxic glue!  It's also a good thing I had the insight to buy two bags of crackers!

She is still stealing mitts, and the odd toy, but she has not destroyed the last few, she runs around with them in her mouth whining till I take them away, I think she knows she should not have it, and is conflicted about whether she should rip it apart or hide the evidence quickly.

I have found she is trainable, I now have her trained that when I am about to go out somewhere I say in your box and point, and she runs into her crate and lies down. Her being happy to be crated while I am out is wonderful, as I no longer have to worry that she is howling and disturbing the neighbours, and no longer have to worry and wonder what part of my house or possessions will be destroyed by the time I get home.

Now if I could get her to stop climbing on the tables and taking food out of the kids hands we may be getting somewhere.

Despite all that the monster dog has eaten she seems to have wormed her way into our hearts. Even DH who was in favour of sending her to the pound for the 1st 8 months of her life with us seems to have come around. I heard him telling her he loved her the other night while cuddling her in front of the fireplace. Of course this was after an awful lot of red wine, and about 10 minutes later he was snoring on the floor, so I am sure he will deny it verhimintly if questioned, either that or he was talking to his glass of red wine!

Valentines Day

Maybe I am just bitter and jaded?  But seriously is it not just a bunch of over hyped bullshit?  A special day to tell everyone in our lives how much we love them?  I could even get behind maybe just telling your spouse (ha, that sounds like I want to tell your spouse not mine - somedays that's probably true) that you love them, but why do we need to treat our kids? I tell them I love them every day, I don't need to give them a card or make them a special breakfast just because its valentines day.  Was it not enough that I helped the kids put together cards for all their class so that they were not the social outcasts?  I fed them breakfast, not a special one, just cereal, I kissed them when I dropped them off at school and told them to have a good day.

I don't want candy or flowers, or even a card, does that make me strange?  Why spend money on a card or overpriced flowers just because today is the day you are "supposed" to?  I would far rather get flowers as a surprise on another day of the year, just because DH thought "hey lets get the old hag something so she will put out tonight."  It would mean so much more.

I remember being a teenager, hoping for the valentines cards, that was about the only time I enjoyed it, but even then it was not like I got a whole slew of cards.  Then I met DH, I think I got a card for the 1st few years and we did go out to dinner.

My main problem is DH's birthday is tomorrow, the day after valentines day, and I would rather go out and make his birthday special than on some over popularized holiday crap.  And I am not going out two nights in a row, so ultimately we don't end up doing much.

I am feeling frustrated like I want to punch someone, my heart is racing, maybe its all the love out there,  maybe I have eaten too many of those heart shaped chocolates....well they were on sale.
Anyway its nearly dinner time, DH just phoned to say lets at least cook something nice for dinner tonight, bah humbug! I told him to stop at the store on the way home then and buy something.  The kids are getting pasta, and I'll probably put out tonight anyway even without flowers and a card.

Random things you never expected to say.

• What are you eating? No, I don't have any raisins, and have not had any in the house for months, spit it out.....for the love of God spit it put right now!

• No we cannot use your toothpaste after it has fallen in the toilet.

Image By: Monique Jansen

• Just bite him back then 

• No they did not have to cut you out of Mommys tummy.  How did you get out then?  Erm, yes they cut you out.

• No that bath toy is not supposed to fit on your penis, take it off now.

• The tooth fairy must have been really busy last night, I bet if you go and check after breakfast you will find she was just running late.

• Do not drink the bath water!  Do not pretend you are a fountain and put the bath water in your mouth.

• No sweetheart, no matter how great you think it will be to be older and have floppy boobs just like  mom, you really don't want that trust me.

• I don't  care if you are playing puppy dogs, tying a leash around your brothers neck is not happening.

• No Daddys hair really did not fall off his head and land lower down.

• Just ignore your father.

• What did I just step in?

• I don't care, you still have to wear underpants!